Tuesday, 2/4/14

The hospital bed arrived and we got mom moved into it.  She's comfortable and still sleeping most of the time.  Because we knew she was secure, both dad and I slept longer than we've had in ages.  Dad looks so much better having rested.

I shared this story on Facebook but for those who don't see those posts, I wanted to share it here as well.  It happened at 3:20 this morning:

Mom's eyes opened ...

Mom: I'm thirsty,
Me: Want some water or coffee?
Mom: Coffee with a lot of cream.

I wanted to check to see if she was lucid....

Me: What town do we live in?
Mom: Vista 
Me: Who is President?
Mom: Obama and he's an idiot.

Dad had gotten up because I was talking to mom....he heard what she said and we both started laughing. Mom went right back to sleep.  It's been awhile since we've laughed.

Her nurse came over early this afternoon to check on mom, following up on a visit from another one yesterday.  We called for a visit yesterday because we were told to contact them when mom's status changed.  Her continued sleeping was a change as well as not eating anything since Sunday. Both nurses agreed mom could be called home at anytime now...they also agreed she's not in any pain and looks very comfortable.  The aide is here now giving her a bed bath. Mom has always been a stickler when it comes to appearance, etc., and I know, even though she might appear to be sleeping, she might just be resting and would be happy knowing she's getting her "beauty treatment".

Before dad went to bed last night, he told mom, "I'm saying our prayers twice tonight, one for you and one for me."  Mom nodded.  He has been assuring her everything is okay.  One of the times she woke up this afternoon a tear rolled down her cheek and she said, "you're so good to me".  I said, "that's because you've always been good to me mom."  She went right back to sleep. Before the aide came over she said, "I'm worried about Dad, he's so tired.".  I told her he was fine because he slept really well last night.  As with dad, I assured her we were all okay and not to worry about anything.  That seemed to assuage her concerns and she closed her eyes.

We're preparing ourselves as best we can, and will be sitting vigil now.  Her blood pressure continues to drop and her breathing is changing.  I pray she remains comfortable and that she knows it's okay to to let go. She's fought the good fight and she deserves to be at peace.

One of our closest friends called the other night, in fact I consider her a sister.....this pic is for you Sharon....

Monday, 2/3/14

Mom was awake for one and a half hours yesterday and only had a few spoonfuls of soup.  Her blood pressure was fluctuating quite a but the last three times it has declined each time.  Twenty minutes ago it was 94/53.  She can't seem to get warm enough either. She responds from time to time but her words are very hard to understand.  I did get a "good" out of her when the Seahawks won the Super Bowl and she did see one of their touchdowns and when Sharon and Jeff Zornes called yesterday evening I told mom they said they loved her she did nod.  

I'm calling hospice today to get a hospital bed as it's difficult getting her to an upright position when she does want to eat, have a sip of water or take meds.  Usually we can wheel her to the family room and get her in the recliner, but she falls asleep now while moving her.  We haven't weighed her the last few days but based on what we've seen the last week, she's probably at 110 if that much.  

We are alternating watching her so neither of us has gotten much sleep the last two days.  I did lay down next to her around midnight and actually fell asleep for about twenty minutes.  She must like us being that close to her because she doesn't fidget as much.  Dad is laying down with her right now.  

Based on what we're seeing, we don't think she'll make it through the week, but we are grateful she is as comfortable as possible and doesn't appear to be in any pain.   We'll get an evaluation from her nurse today.

Family photo taken around 2003.

Saturday, 2/1/14

The past two days mom has been sleeping more and more and when awake she's quite agitated (even with the medication).  It took three hours for her to take her night meds as she insisted on counting the pills and checking the colors over and over again.  She only ate maybe two bites of a maple bar yesterday morning and one bite of pizza for dinner; forgoing liquids almost altogether.  I'm making another bunch of her favorite soup and doing a dill pot roast tomorrow so hopefully the pattern will change again.  What bothers me the most is she loves fudge and she wouldn't even eat that yesterday.  She woke up screaming at 3:00 a.m. for her friend Marlene.

Although yesterday was rough, we did have a really bright point.  My nephew John (Washington State) sent me a message and he'll be here next Friday for the weekend.  Dad grinned from ear to ear and when we told mom about it she was absolutely thrilled; in fact, she kept asking if she dreamed it.  It was nice seeing she and dad so excited.  We're all looking forward to seeing him.   He and my son are Mom and Dad's only grandchildren that seem to be concerned and willing to take time out of their lives to visit and/or keep in constant contact...that's okay, at least they'll have no regrets later on.

John at Grandma and Grandpa's House
A "few" years back!

Love this pic!

Thursday, January 30th

Michael and I returned from San Francisco late Tuesday morning.  All was well on the home-front.  Mom was home from respite care and had no complaints whatsoever about the facility.  Dad looked like he got some much needed rest. They all (Mom, Dad and Uncle Ray) were pleased with the fudge and salt-water taffy we brought back from Pier 39. Mom and Dad's main request was to see all the pictures we had taken and my testimony that was already on YouTube.

The changes in mom were remarkable after being gone for five days.  I watched her weaken daily, but after not seeing her for that period of time it was much more obvious.  She's sleeping more now and her appetite continues to fluctuate.  Even when she does eat, it's not enough to keep a bird alive.  We're still trying to encourage her to drink more fluids, to no avail.  She'll sip a little coffee in the morning and maybe a few sips of water throughout the day but that's about it.

Mom was always a stickler when it came to getting up and getting dressed each morning, but that is also changing rapidly.  In fact, yesterday she said, "I just don't seem to have the energy to get dressed anymore". I told her it was okay, we'll both just have a "jammies day". She smiled and agreed it was a good idea.  I asked her if she wanted to play Yahtzee after dinner last night and she was quite excited about that, but by the time we all finished eating she was already sleeping in the recliner.  She woke up a while later and said she was just too tired...maybe tomorrow.

Mom and Dad - 4/8/06
The day Mike and I were remarried in the Catholic Church.

Friday, 1/24/14

Mike and I arrived safely in San Francisco.  We left the house at 3:00 a.m. and because we missed all the rush hour traffic in L.A., we made terrific time!  Arrived at around 11:00 a.m. and the hotel let us check-in early, praise God, because we were exhausted.  We napped then took a walk to find a place for dinner...a cozy little place with Mandarin food.

When we got back to our room we settled in for the night and I spoke to dad.  He said mom was doing very well at the facility and the staff is spoiling her.  He gave me her direct line so I gave her a call.  She was in excellent spirits and wanted to know what time I'll be speaking on Saturday.  I told her the time but told her the t.v. she has might not have EWTN on it...but Mike will be taping me as well.  She was pleased with that and looking forward to seeing it.  She said she had a really nice roommate and that she's eating okay.  Dad had brought her up some snacks and the staff has made sure she's been getting her pain medication regularly.  Dad sounds relaxed and is also getting some much needed rest.  I think this respite will be good for all of us but will look forward to all of us being back together.

If anyone is worried about Dad driving around, he still does very well and knows the routes to bypass the heavy traffic.  He has promised me when he doesn't feel like he can drive anymore he will let me know...and I trust him.  When I'm home though, I do play chauffeur....he likes that!

I'll be calling mom and dad every day while we're gone to update them on what's going on here.....

For anyone interested, the West Coast Walk for Life EWTN coverage will start around 11:00 a.m. Saturday.

Mom with our beautiful flowers
at Nouassuer Air Force Base,
Morocco.

Tuesday, 1/21/14

We're going through a lot of ups and downs since last I wrote.  Mom's experiencing more pain but fortunately we are able to give her morphine at closer intervals.  I'm giving her liquid morphine which is so much easier for her to get down.  Her appetite has decreased again, all she had today was an eighth of a fresh maple bar.  We're going to try some soup for dinner.   She's also confused, can't remember what's being said five minutes after we say it.  We had to explain to her several times about going to respite care, but at least every time we did she was okay with it.  I told her she's getting a much needed vacation from all of us and she laughed.  I'm so glad Dad will be able to take some time for himself and get some rest and if anything serious happens, I'll only be a two-hour flight away.

Our wonderful nurse Maddie broke her ankle so her replacement came today.  We discussed mom's eating habits again, but there's nothing we can do except try to get an Ensure down her.  She didn't even want that today.  So hard watching her fade away.  We had her port checked that they put in for chemo (it's not being used) as last night it started bleeding.  I cleaned and bandaged it but didn't like the way it looked.  The nurse said the skin is degrading around that area (similar to a bedsore) because mom's skin is so thin...all we can do is continue with the bandages and neosporin.

We'll take her over to respite tomorrow afternoon to get her settled in so tonight we'll get some of her personal items together. Won't have to be much as she'll only be there until Sunday.

UPDATE 9:44 P.M.

Mom did eat almost a whole bowl of soup and a Starbuck's Frappucino so that was a plus.  Mike provided the room-service as mom can't move around much at all.  She tries to walk with the walker but it's too much for her so she sits on it and we push her around....we have a power chair but she wants to use the walker.  She continues to be in pain.  Based on the numerous locations, it's obvious the cancer is continuing to spread quickly. I gave her some more morphine and will keep one ear open through the night if she needs more - I have the baby monitor right next to me.  I'm still sleeping on the recliner most of the time so I won't disturb Michael in the night.  Dad prefers me giving her the liquid meds because reading the small numbers on the syringes is hard for him.  Gave Dad a haircut tonight (military shave) so he feels "lighter" and he took time away to get a pedicure earlier in the afternoon.  It relaxes him having his legs massaged, etc., and being pampered...when we get back I'm going to try and find someone to come to the house to do the same for mom.  I think she would like that.

Still feel a little guilty leaving but mom and dad both insisted we go...I know she's in good hands and her hospice team will be visiting her at the facility as well as dad and Uncle Ray.

Still no response from the "olive branch" I extended so evidently my view of what's in the best interest of mom and dad is not shared.  It's sad because I think not grabbing that branch will result in future regrets...but at least I tried...

Sunday 1/19/14

Some improvement over the past few days...she's still weak but eating a little better and trying to drink more fluids.  Pilar came on Thursday for mom's shower, which made her feel refreshed and the chaplain came on Friday for a visit.  She told mom of our plan on her going into respite care while Mike and I were away and she was okay with that.  I checked out the facility they selected and it's really nice.  It's a multi-service facility that offers independent living through respite care and that have activities planned for mom to get involved with.  We'll get more logistics on Monday.  She'll be there from Wednesday through Sunday.

The effects of chemo haven't completely subsided as of yet, her hair is falling out, much to her dismay.  I assured her that once the chemicals are out of her system, it should start growing back.  We were going to set her hair yesterday, but decided to wait until later...don't want to take the chance of having more fall out.  

Dad was able to get her out yesterday for a short drive to the store.  She sat in the car while he went in to get a few items, bu at least she got some fresh air.  We're planning on spending some time on our patio now that the weather has improved and temperatures increased to the upper 70's.