Thursday, January 30th

Michael and I returned from San Francisco late Tuesday morning.  All was well on the home-front.  Mom was home from respite care and had no complaints whatsoever about the facility.  Dad looked like he got some much needed rest. They all (Mom, Dad and Uncle Ray) were pleased with the fudge and salt-water taffy we brought back from Pier 39. Mom and Dad's main request was to see all the pictures we had taken and my testimony that was already on YouTube.

The changes in mom were remarkable after being gone for five days.  I watched her weaken daily, but after not seeing her for that period of time it was much more obvious.  She's sleeping more now and her appetite continues to fluctuate.  Even when she does eat, it's not enough to keep a bird alive.  We're still trying to encourage her to drink more fluids, to no avail.  She'll sip a little coffee in the morning and maybe a few sips of water throughout the day but that's about it.

Mom was always a stickler when it came to getting up and getting dressed each morning, but that is also changing rapidly.  In fact, yesterday she said, "I just don't seem to have the energy to get dressed anymore". I told her it was okay, we'll both just have a "jammies day". She smiled and agreed it was a good idea.  I asked her if she wanted to play Yahtzee after dinner last night and she was quite excited about that, but by the time we all finished eating she was already sleeping in the recliner.  She woke up a while later and said she was just too tired...maybe tomorrow.

Mom and Dad - 4/8/06
The day Mike and I were remarried in the Catholic Church.

Friday, 1/24/14

Mike and I arrived safely in San Francisco.  We left the house at 3:00 a.m. and because we missed all the rush hour traffic in L.A., we made terrific time!  Arrived at around 11:00 a.m. and the hotel let us check-in early, praise God, because we were exhausted.  We napped then took a walk to find a place for dinner...a cozy little place with Mandarin food.

When we got back to our room we settled in for the night and I spoke to dad.  He said mom was doing very well at the facility and the staff is spoiling her.  He gave me her direct line so I gave her a call.  She was in excellent spirits and wanted to know what time I'll be speaking on Saturday.  I told her the time but told her the t.v. she has might not have EWTN on it...but Mike will be taping me as well.  She was pleased with that and looking forward to seeing it.  She said she had a really nice roommate and that she's eating okay.  Dad had brought her up some snacks and the staff has made sure she's been getting her pain medication regularly.  Dad sounds relaxed and is also getting some much needed rest.  I think this respite will be good for all of us but will look forward to all of us being back together.

If anyone is worried about Dad driving around, he still does very well and knows the routes to bypass the heavy traffic.  He has promised me when he doesn't feel like he can drive anymore he will let me know...and I trust him.  When I'm home though, I do play chauffeur....he likes that!

I'll be calling mom and dad every day while we're gone to update them on what's going on here.....

For anyone interested, the West Coast Walk for Life EWTN coverage will start around 11:00 a.m. Saturday.

Mom with our beautiful flowers
at Nouassuer Air Force Base,
Morocco.

Tuesday, 1/21/14

We're going through a lot of ups and downs since last I wrote.  Mom's experiencing more pain but fortunately we are able to give her morphine at closer intervals.  I'm giving her liquid morphine which is so much easier for her to get down.  Her appetite has decreased again, all she had today was an eighth of a fresh maple bar.  We're going to try some soup for dinner.   She's also confused, can't remember what's being said five minutes after we say it.  We had to explain to her several times about going to respite care, but at least every time we did she was okay with it.  I told her she's getting a much needed vacation from all of us and she laughed.  I'm so glad Dad will be able to take some time for himself and get some rest and if anything serious happens, I'll only be a two-hour flight away.

Our wonderful nurse Maddie broke her ankle so her replacement came today.  We discussed mom's eating habits again, but there's nothing we can do except try to get an Ensure down her.  She didn't even want that today.  So hard watching her fade away.  We had her port checked that they put in for chemo (it's not being used) as last night it started bleeding.  I cleaned and bandaged it but didn't like the way it looked.  The nurse said the skin is degrading around that area (similar to a bedsore) because mom's skin is so thin...all we can do is continue with the bandages and neosporin.

We'll take her over to respite tomorrow afternoon to get her settled in so tonight we'll get some of her personal items together. Won't have to be much as she'll only be there until Sunday.

UPDATE 9:44 P.M.

Mom did eat almost a whole bowl of soup and a Starbuck's Frappucino so that was a plus.  Mike provided the room-service as mom can't move around much at all.  She tries to walk with the walker but it's too much for her so she sits on it and we push her around....we have a power chair but she wants to use the walker.  She continues to be in pain.  Based on the numerous locations, it's obvious the cancer is continuing to spread quickly. I gave her some more morphine and will keep one ear open through the night if she needs more - I have the baby monitor right next to me.  I'm still sleeping on the recliner most of the time so I won't disturb Michael in the night.  Dad prefers me giving her the liquid meds because reading the small numbers on the syringes is hard for him.  Gave Dad a haircut tonight (military shave) so he feels "lighter" and he took time away to get a pedicure earlier in the afternoon.  It relaxes him having his legs massaged, etc., and being pampered...when we get back I'm going to try and find someone to come to the house to do the same for mom.  I think she would like that.

Still feel a little guilty leaving but mom and dad both insisted we go...I know she's in good hands and her hospice team will be visiting her at the facility as well as dad and Uncle Ray.

Still no response from the "olive branch" I extended so evidently my view of what's in the best interest of mom and dad is not shared.  It's sad because I think not grabbing that branch will result in future regrets...but at least I tried...

Sunday 1/19/14

Some improvement over the past few days...she's still weak but eating a little better and trying to drink more fluids.  Pilar came on Thursday for mom's shower, which made her feel refreshed and the chaplain came on Friday for a visit.  She told mom of our plan on her going into respite care while Mike and I were away and she was okay with that.  I checked out the facility they selected and it's really nice.  It's a multi-service facility that offers independent living through respite care and that have activities planned for mom to get involved with.  We'll get more logistics on Monday.  She'll be there from Wednesday through Sunday.

The effects of chemo haven't completely subsided as of yet, her hair is falling out, much to her dismay.  I assured her that once the chemicals are out of her system, it should start growing back.  We were going to set her hair yesterday, but decided to wait until later...don't want to take the chance of having more fall out.  

Dad was able to get her out yesterday for a short drive to the store.  She sat in the car while he went in to get a few items, bu at least she got some fresh air.  We're planning on spending some time on our patio now that the weather has improved and temperatures increased to the upper 70's.

Wednesday, 1/15/14

Mom's been struggling for the past few days and weighed in at 113.  We canceled my cousin's visit because mom is just not up for company after her fall and now she has another UTI because she's not drinking enough fluids....thus more confusion and agitation. The nurse spoke to her today about drinking more fluids, we'll see how that goes. She wouldn't take her meds this morning or eat breakfast because she thought she had already done so.  I was finally able to convince her at around 11 to drink an Ensure and take the meds. She is still agitated tonight but did eat a little.  Dad and I discussed the fluid and food issue with the nurse privately and she said it's all part of the declining process.  Today it appears she's giving up.  I'm hoping it's just because of the UTI and she's more positive tomorrow.  

Dad and I had a nice long chat about next week, when Mike and I leave for San Francisco.  Although hospice would be available 24/7, it might be better that mom be placed in respite care for the days we are gone.  That way dad can have a little break as well.  Just when we started talking about it the hospice chaplain called (timing again).  I spoke to her about it and she agreed.  She'll be here on Friday for a visit and we'll discuss it more then.     

Wish I had better news on this post, but that's what is going on.  

Mom and Dad at
Mt. Soledad War Memorial
2013

Monday, 1/13/14

On Saturday, after the Seahawks win, Dad and Mike went to get Chinese take-out. Mom was happily sitting in her family room watching the next game and I went into the kitchen-- with the baby monitor (carry it with me to keep in touch with her) to put brownies in the oven. I couldn't have been in the kitchen for more than 5 minute then all of a sudden I heard a "thud" and a scream. Dropped everything and ran like crazy - mom tried to get to the bathroom by herself and fell on her shoulder and hit her head. She decided to go herself without telling me because she forgot she was so weak and thought she could do it herself. Hospice came then the ambulance. I've been on the verge of a breakdown because of the guilt...but the hospice nurse said these things happen, even when they are in the homes and not to be too hard on myself...well, yeah..like that's gonna happen.

They did x-rays and a CT Scan and nothing was broken, which was surprising and she had no concussion.  She is one tough lady!  She was sent home (I warmed up the Chinese food and she ate a little) and we monitored her throughout the night.  Yesterday she stayed in bed most of the day and is experiencing pain from the fall which was to be expected. She had no appetite at dinner again but I went ahead and fixed her a light meal of scrambled eggs, toast and peaches and she ate half of it.  

It's 3:30 a.m. and she and dad are awake.  She was having problems getting in a comfortable sleeping position.  Dad moved her to the middle of the bed and she was able to get situated and dad is snoozing on the recliner in their family room (I can hear his storing through the baby monitor - lol).  

My son Robert, Mom and Dad at
Oceanside Harbor.

January 11, 2014

Mom has had a rough couple of days and we had to call in a hospice nurse last night.  She didn't leave the house until 12:30 a.m.  I took the overnight shift as mom has been getting up about every hour due to her bladder.  She needs assistance getting in and out of bed as her legs are so weak.  Dad slept in our living room so he could get some uninterrupted sleep and the minute his head hit the pillow he was out.  Mom's stomach finally settled down and she fell asleep around 2:30.  She only got up once after that which was quite an improvement.  I'll take a nap once dad wakes up...hopefully today will be better.

The baby monitor has been wonderful ... the one dad and I carry around has a walkie-talkie function so all mom does is talk and we can answer her if we're in the kitchen or somewhere else...mom feels more secure knowing she has access to us 100% of the time now.

My cousin, Iley and her husband are coming down on Monday from Modesto to see mom....I'm sure that will lift mom's spirits and I know it will for dad and I.  I'll take some pictures from the visit to share.

It's odd without Mikey (mom and dad's dog) around...Petey and Coco are still looking around for him. Mom is doing okay with his passing now, I printed the picture I posted a few days ago and she has it framed on her dresser and looks at it all the time.  Petey and Coco have been visiting her more often -- they must know she needs them.  I also brought Derby in to see her (my parrot) ... she loves seeing him flap his wings and cuddle with me.

What a beauty!!!!!

January 8, 2014

Mom's aide came over and gave her a shower and I set her hair.  She felt so much better and sat up for quite awhile before going back to bed for a nap.  While she was sleeping, their loving dog, "Mikey",  (he was already named when they got him) got really sick. He's been blind for awhile but still able to move around until yesterday. He was panting really heavy and couldn't walk. We called the vet and he recommended he be put down. We all tearfully said our good-byes to a wonderful companion and family member. 

We were worried about how this was going to affect mom but she knew it was the right thing to do as he was suffering. All she wanted was to cuddle with him awhile so I lifted him up on her bed until she was ready to say good-bye.  Later on she got up and dad took her out for a short drive and they grabbed a burger and shake.  Mom finished almost all of it and when they got home she was able to stay up longer than the previous day.  She would start crying a little here and there and I cried right along with her. We agreed that although we'll miss him, he's definitely free of pain and in a better place.  Also, we're fortunate we still have two other dogs and two birds...if Mikey were the only pet, the house would have been excruciatingly empty. 

1/7/14

Mom and Dad had a good time on their "outing" on Friday.  The did end up at Valley View for some slot machine action and had dinner there.  They have the best tomato basil soup that mom absolutely loves so she had that as well as fresh bread.  It might not sound like much to us but if she eats a whole bowl of soup with bread, that is a great improvement.  She was very tired when they got home and she sat down on the sofa in our living room to let me know what she played, etc., and fell asleep.  She did that several times during our conversation so I convinced her to go to bed and we'd catch up in the morning.  Late Saturday morning mom was still in bed and throughout the day she continued to sleep.  It continued that way through Sunday and part of Monday. Mom has never reacted to outings like this before so we know she's weakening faster than expected.  We were able to keep her up long enough to eat and take her meds though so she was comfortable.

Pilar, our home health aide, will be here today to help mom shower, etc., and Maddie, the nurse, will be here tomorrow for a check-up.  Maddie has called almost every day to see how mom is doing which I really appreciate.  She's a sweetie and mom really likes her.  We haven't met Pilar yet but based on conversations on the phone she sounds just as sweet as Maddie.  Once mom is done with her shower we'll open up Patti's beauty shop and I'll set and style her hair.  That's one of my favorite things to do... :)

One of my favorite pictures.  Mom and Dad in the
back of the van getting ready to head up to
Washington in 2009.  

January 3, 2014

Yesterday, mom was in bed most of the day but got up for dinner and stayed up until around 10:00 p.m. We were able to have a nice chat - and reminisced about Moses Lake, the Island and the many times Mike and I visited them while they were living in Las Vegas and had so many great times.  She and dad both told me yesterday they knew they could always depend on Mike and I and didn't know what they would have done without us.  That made me feel so warm inside....but at the same time sad, because there was someone else they should have been able to depend on as well, especially now, but that never happened and it looks like it never will. I'm venting a  little because although mom and dad put up a good front, they are hurt and they don't deserve it. I started the New Year with an attempt to bridge the gap for their sake, but as of today that attempt, although received, was not acknowledged.  I didn't have the heart to tell mom and dad because I knew it would devastate them even more. I wanted to try one last time to provide an opportunity to avoid the regrets that will most certainly surface later on ... I pray I'm wrong and that the opportunity was not ignored but being considered .... always the optimist!

Enough of that...I just had to get that off my chest.  Now on to the positive.  Mom woke up late this morning and was all smiles.  She ate breakfast, got dressed and asked Dad to take her for a ride. I usually go with them but I got the feeling they wanted some quiet time alone so I declined their invitation.  I'm only a phone call away and Dad's still a good driver, so I'm not worried.  Who knows ... depending on where they end up (a casino I presume!!!!), Mike and I may join them later for an evening of more fun and frolic.  We asked hospice about mom going out to casinos and they said as long as she has the energy, it is a good way for her and dad to focus on something pleasant (unless they are losing - lol).  She loves the restaurant at Valley View too so I know she'll eat well again today.

Another wonderful day!!!

Visiting our "other" family, the Rye's and Beutler's
when we took our vacation to Washington and Oregon
in 2009.

Happy New Year

We welcomed in the New Year with the sun shining and the ocean very blue!  Mom is doing really well today, up and moving around.  We all worked on dinner (prime rib, fruit salad, mashed potatoes, green beans, black eyed peas, and homemade horseradish sauce) with the exception of Uncle Ray.  He hurt his back so he's resting in the recliner.  Waiting now for the roast to be done then we'll have a true feast.

Yesterday mom had another outstanding day and I cooked a turkey breast with cranberry sauce and she cleaned her plate.  I was thrilled.  She's excited about the prime rib and I'm hoping she'll eat as well as she did yesterday.  I'm sure she'll be napping after dinner - but she did say she'd love to go to the beach to watch the sunset so we'll probably do that before.

I'm so relieved things have improved for mom, she's so much happier and we're all more relaxed.  A wonderful way to bring in the New Year!