A Good Day

It's amazing how once decisions are made and assistance is requested deep breaths can be taken.  Two nights now have been restful.  Mom ate really well yesterday (not much but more than usual) and she asked me for her favorite soup again so I made another huge pot.  She ate a whole bowl of that along with crackers.  The medication for her anxiousness is working very well.  It makes her tired but part of that is because she's finally relaxing.

We had two surprises today --  my nephew John called and is going to try and get time off work to come down for a visit, then my Aussie "Sis" Kerrie called from down under.  Mom and Dad were thrilled to hear her voice, in fact after Kerrie and I started talking, mom was still  listening and feel asleep with the phone in her hand and a smile on her face.

Today was a good day!  I even got some photos done to post on when Kerrie first visited us in the early 70's.  Enjoy!!!

Dad, Me & Kerrie
Moses Lake, WA

Dad, Kerrie, Mom
Spokane, WA

Mom, Dad and Kerrie
Moses Lake, WA

Mom and Kerrie having fun -
Moses Lake, WA

Kerrie and Me
She's a star!!!!!

Saturday, December 28th

Mom has continued to have increased reactions to the chemo plus it exacerbated the dementia and we've been faced with paranoia and extreme anger since early yesterday morning.  She refused to take her medications or eat. We were able to get in touch with her doctor and after a long discussion, it was determined discontinuing the chemo would be best. Right after that decision was made our phone rang and it was one of mom's oldest friends, Sister Alexis - a wonderful nun living in Seattle.  She and mom have been friends since high school.  I gave her an update on what was going on and she was so loving and supportive.  I think God sent her a message to give us a call as He knew we would gain strength from her.

Mom's doctor contacted hospice and they came over around 4 p.m. and left at 10:00 p.m.  Her anger and paranoia continued until around 8:30 but finally she calmed down enough to finally eat and take her medication. The nurses that came were wonderful and encouraging. They said what mom is going through is to be expected and suggested respite care for a few days to get her back on track physically and emotionally plus give dad, Mike and me a rest. They will be giving us a call this morning to let us know if they found a bed at respite (difficult to do on weekends), and will be sending us over some new medications, etc.,

We were warned the chemo might make her dementia worse; however, we were not prepared for the magnitude. We've had bad days before but those times we were able to handle it and help mom get through it, but yesterday was totally different.  I know that if mom ever remembered what had transpired she would be mortified.....and for that part of her dementia I am grateful.  She doesn't need to know.  She was given something to keep her calm and help her sleep, and I think last night was the first time Dad slept throughout the night, which is exactly what he needed.  It's been hard on all of us but mostly on dad, he loves her so much and hates to see her like this.  At least mom and dad are with us (as well as Uncle Ray) and as I said before, we have such wonderful moral support from our friends, my son, and cousins, as well as Mike's family. You don't know how much it means to us...and now with hospice, I think we'll all be in a much better place physically and emotionally.  I'm encouraged.

Friday, December 27th

Mom had her chemo yesterday afternoon.  Mike took mom and dad so I could rest up for a possible long night.  When they got home, mom seemed to be okay but a little agitated.  Throughout the evening she settled down and ate a little but started getting extremely tired.  We took her to their family room to watch television as she said she didn't want to go to bed yet.  Dad laid down at around 10:00 so I monitored mom.  He was so very tired he fell quickly to sleep.  She did quite well, in fact, she read all the literature on the chemo she was taking and told me she knew what was happening.  She said she knew she was going to die and that she's ready, her work on earth is done. I didn't know what to say so I just held her hand and listened.  This was one of the most lucid moments she's had in a very long time, but also the most sad.  I convinced her at around 1:30 a.m. that she needed to get to bed.  She said she was itching and I looked at her arms and she had broken out into hives; a reaction to the chemo.  I read the instructions sent home with her and gave her some Benadryl.  That not only helped the itching, but helped her fall asleep quickly but before she fell asleep she woke dad up so they could say their prayers. The medication they gave her prior to treatment for nausea evidently worked as her stomach didn't act up at all.  I continued to keep an eye on her until around 4:00 a.m. then dozed.  All in all, things went much better than expected, praise God.  Hopefully she'll continue to avoid any dire effects and with dad able to get some much needed sleep, today should be a pretty good day.

Their last New Year's Eve in Vegas - hoping for
the elusive Royal Flush!
We celebrated at Arizona Charlie's.

Mike and Dad

Memories

Thought I would put the link to the memory book mom and dad were given on their 60th Wedding Anniversary.

Just click:
Mom and Dad''s 60th

They loved it and it brought back so many memories.  When I look through it now it brings back all the happy times, not just with mom and dad but when we were a family.  It also reminds me of so many people that have been special in their lives and have always stood by them.

Enjoy the walk down memory lane!!!

12/25/13

Merry Christmas everyone!  Hope you all had a wonderful Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.  We're still struggling but the spirit is with us and we're trying to remain positive.

Mike and I were able to get away to attend Mass on Christmas Eve.  Mom had said a few days prior that she and dad wanted to go with us but she's been too sick and weak.  Her stomach is acting up again and she's still extremely confused, in the past few nights she would talk in jibberish.  I know part of it's "sundowning", but it's continuing the next morning.  Last night, when Mike and I got home she was really bad.  Dad and I ended up sitting with her throughout the night and she finally fell alseep at around 6:00 a.m., then dad was able to rest then as well.  I took a little snooze myself before starting Christmas Dinner.  Mom didn't even realize it was Christmas from one minute to the next.  It's breaking all of our hearts.  Dad and I discussed having someone come in (Hospice) to help out so we can reestablish a sleep pattern.  It's almost 11:00 pm now and she's still up and the jibberish is starting again.

She's also not eating much because her stomach is acting up...it's hard to determine why she has this off and on...the doctor doesn't know either.  We had ham, mashed potatoes and gravy, cranberry salad, etc., but she hardly touched it. Ensure helps but isn't enough.  We'll discuss it with her oncologist tomorrow as she's scheduled for chemo tomorrow afternoon. She's so sick right now, we're all afraid it's going to make her worse.  Please pray she tolerates it.


No picture today....haven't had time to scan....

Sorry this is such a depressive post, but it's what we're going through....please pray for mom and for all of us.

Monday 12/23

It's 2:30 a.m. and Dad and I are still up.  I'll explain what has transpired the last two days.

Last I wrote, mom was doing a little better emotionally but confused.  On Saturday afternoon, she went to the bathroom and right before she was coming out the door she just collapsed.  She's been very good at using her walker wherever she goes and it was in there with her.  Dad and I heard a "thud" at the same time and both went running.  She was flat on her back.  She wanted to try to get up but because her bones are so brittle (due to the cancer), her hitting her head on the linoleum and complaining of lower back pain I called 911.  We weren't going to take any chances.  Mom said she didn't trip on anything (there wasn't anything for her to trip on), she said she "just went down".  The EMTs were great and were at our home within a few minutes.  Once at the hospital they did bloodwork, a CT Scan and X-Rays.  Thank God nothing was broken.  The doctor came in and told us she had a urinary tract infection and that's what caused the dizziness.  It also explains her anger the past few days.  They watched her for awhile and sent her home with meds.

Sunday she rested all day but was still very confused.  She didn't know why she had a port in her chest, we explained it was for when she starts chemo and she didn't remember that either.  We explained everything back to when she broke her hip and she remembered bits and pieces but didn't remember her brain biopsy, the port or the cancer.  She became more agitated because she thought we had been keeping it a secret.  We didn't argue, we just let her talk.  She remained agitated all day, especially because we're making sure she didn't go anywhere by herself at all...if dad wasn't with her in the kitchen, family room or bathroom, I'd be there...we can't take the chance of her falling again as she hasn't been on the medication long enough to clear up her dizziness (or calm her down).  I know she feels like she's losing more of her independence, and that's understandable, but we need to keep her safe.

It's early Monday morning now and she has been sleeping off and on in the recliner since early evening.  Dad tried several times to get her up to go to bed but she kept saying, "in a minute".  Finally about twenty minutes ago she acquiesced and got into bed but is sleeping fitfully.  Dad and I are keeping an eye on her breathing and making sure she doesn't try to get out of bed unaided.

Once the medication kicks in I'm sure things will improve....we're all exhausted.

All of our initials after the cement was poured on
mom and dad's patio.....will bring back
great memories for years.

Friday, 12/20

Sorry I've been remiss in posting.  It's been a rough week.  Mom's biopsy confirmed the cancer did spread to her lymph nodes, the oncologist wanted a second look.  She has decided to go through with chemo and starts next week. Her dementia has been worse this week and she has been very angry.  I know a lot of the anger is from the dementia but I'm sure fear plays a part as well.  It's hard for dad and me because we bear the brunt.  During these events she refuses to eat or take her medication and isolates in her family room.  She went a complete day not speaking to me on Wednesday and I still haven't figured out why...

Her mood improved last night and today she's been better; however, she's still very confused.  Dad and I are really concerned about the chemo and how she will tolerate it.  Being she is so very weak, it's not the best situation, but it's mom's choice.  The oncologist said if she does tolerate it her life expectancy may be increased to six months so that's what we're praying for.  We just don't the treatment to weaken her further or make her sicker.

We still haven't gone to look at Christmas lights, but hope to do that either this evening or tomorrow night, depending how tired Mike is.  He's been working a lot of overtime of late, in fact he's worked last Saturday and will work again tomorrow.

My favorite pic of Mom and Dad

Monday 12/16

Mom started having pains in her ribs today...a sure sign the cancer is spreading.  The doctor said to use a heating pad and take it easy so that's exactly what she did.  She sat up in the living room for awhile and we watched t.v. and I read her some writing I had just completed.  A friend of the family called today from Las Vegas -- Leslie.  Mom and Dad were both thrilled to hear from her. We met her years ago at a small local casino in Henderson and it was like she was a long-lost daughter/sister.

We haven't heard from the oncologist yet; I anticipate a call tomorrow or Wednesday.  Hoping the heating pad works as well as increased pain meds so she can move a little easier tomorrow.

Mom, Leslie and Dad

My grandmother, Nannie, mom and me.

Saturday 12/14

It's a day of rest today.  Mom was feeling up to getting out yesterday so Dad and I took her out.  She was very confused but in good spirits. Because of our little adventure, she's very tired today and has been napping in the recliner off and on, but she definitely enjoyed getting out and about.

My dear friend Susan called today...just to check in as she does almost daily. We decided it's time to have a "girls night out"...a slumber party with mom at a suite at Harrah's (the local one). That way mom could spend a day doing her favorite thing...playing penny slots but would also be able to return to the room to rest whenever necessary, in the lap of luxury!  Dad thinks it's a great idea and not only would mom enjoy the special treatment, he would have a night to rest and relax as well.

I don't know what I'd do without Susan...she's my rock. She went through a similar experience with her mom and knows exactly what we're all going through.  It's nice to know I have a "sister" to lean on.

Me & Mom

Thursday, 12/12

Yesterday was a tough day.  Mom was really confused and didn't remember her diagnosis again.  She has another biopsy today and they are putting a port in her chest for the chemotherapy as her veins are so weak.  She couldn't understand why she was going in and got angry because she thought we were hiding something from her.  Dad gets the brunt of it and it really stresses him out.  She refused to eat or take her medication but thankfully by early evening things settled down and she finally got took her meds and got something in her stomach.   For someone who's normally sweet and positive, seeing her this way is difficult and it's hard for us to know what to do or say. We just try to remain calm and agreeable.  She's not awake yet this morning so we'll see if she's more lucid today.  She goes in at 7:00 a.m. and will be there for about five hours.  She'll  be sedated but not put under for the procedures.  When she comes home she'll be tired and will most likely sleep the remainder of the day.  Her bruises from the fall are slowly going away and I was able to set and style her hair without causing her any discomfort.

We're all looking forward to driving around tomorrow night to look at Christmas lights and going to the beach.

Mom with her great-grandsons Dennen and Merrick
several years ago.

Tuesday, 12/10

The past few days have gone pretty well.  Mom is still tired but happy.  Decorations are almost all up, we watched football Sunday and last night and she continued to eat the soup.  Last night she actually ate chicken with biscuits and gravy and then chowed down on brownies I made.

She goes in today for lab tests, prior to the beginning of chemo.  We haven't heard yet when that will begin but I anticipate probably sometime next week.  The red tape on insurance delays everything these days.

Friday is the night (hopefully) when we'll drive around San Diego County and look at Christmas lights.  Both she and dad are looking forward to that....then we'll grab some hot cocoa, head to the beach and listen to the waves.

Mom and Dad saying goodbye to their home in Vegas...
the day they moved into our home.

Saturday 12/7

Mom's Book

We had a better evening and today has been better, praise God!  Mom wanted to decorate the tree last night so we got that done and after I made a huge pot of her favorite soup she ate a whole bowl with crackers!  Today she and I sat in the living room and watched tennis, picked on each other and laughed a lot!  She ate a regular breakfast today (two waffles!) plus an Ensure and is looking forward to more soup for dinner.  I made enough to freeze so she'll have it at the ready.  She tired out quickly so she's napping now but she wants to finish up decorating the house.  She was thrilled when I found her "Night Before Christmas" book she was given at age 5, plus a little musical doll she always had out at Christmas.

Mom decorating the tree

Mom giving Mike
directions!

Starting the living room

Friday, 12/6

Yesterday was a tough one and today as well.  We went to the oncologist and he said cells from her tongue were in her lymph nodes which means, although rare, that's where the cancer originated (tongue).  The bone cancer is spreading rapidly.  The pain she has been experiencing in her shoulder is the cancer so that was a sign of how fast it's going.  She is down to 117 pounds and I told him about how little she eats.  He said to just try to keep her hydrated and continue with Ensure.  She's wanting more Egg Lemon Soup so I'm making up a bunch and freezing some...anything to keep her strong.

We discussed treatment options and he said we could try mild chemo, not as a cure but possibly to slow down the spreading; however, the risks of side-effects are there (nausea, hair loss, etc.).  Dad and I are concerned about the nausea because she's so weak already and is always nauseated (the medication he gave her didn't work) but we left the decision up to mom.  She's reluctant but wants to give it a try so that's what we're going to do.  The doctor said if she doesn't tolerate  the treatment we can stop at any time, so we'll take it one day at a time.  The prognosis is still the same as far as time, unless the chemo is tolerated and slows the spreading.  There are so many variables and it's really hard to figure it all out...She's still trying to remain active but she tires quickly.  We're just taking her lead as to what she feels up to doing.  Some days are better than others.

This was taken a few weeks
ago, before her fall.  

Wednesday, 12/4

Quiet day today.  Mom is still quite tired and napping in the recliner.  Her bruising is clearing up slowly but her shoulder is still quite sore.  I'm still amazed and grateful she didn't break anything with that fall as her bones are so brittle.  She finally had some soup and an Ensure yesterday but that was it.  She's done better today in that regard and I'm going to make some pudding later on.  Dad came down with a slight cold and slept all morning, which he definitely needed. I'm sure his defenses are down because of the situation but I'm glad he was able to sleep in; he looks rested now and he says he feels better.

Mike and I are planning an "outing" in a couple of weeks to take mom and dad around to some of the recommended-for-seeing-decorations areas of San Diego. They have always enjoyed "cruising" during the Christmas season so we'll continue the tradition here.

This is our dog, Petey's,  favorite place in the house.
In mom and dad's family room, in front of their
stove......

Tuesday, 12/3

Change is a constant in our household.  Mom had a really good day yesterday, in fact, Dad took her out for awhile.  When they got home she was in great spirits and agreed that we would decorate the Christmas tree the next day.  Well, that didn't happen....she's been in bed all day with stomach issues.  She hasn't been able to eat anything except a slice of toast but I'll try to get her to eat some broth when she wakes up.  

Dad has an appointment with his cardiologist on Thursday for a check-up as his pacemaker flitters from time to time.  I know it's stress and we're trying to get him to relax...but it's difficult. He does have a few projects in the garage he's working on to keep him busy.

Got a phone call from my cousin Steve this morning and it was wonderful talking to him. He's been such a wonderful support and it's truly appreciated.

This is the picture I used as my care-giving book cover and
the one used for the oil painting we commissioned to have
done.  

What a trio!

I got an e-mail from my Australian sis after letting her know about mom's recent fall.  She responded with a picture of her black eye that she received during her recent fall.  She wanted me to share it with mom so she wouldn't feel so bad.

After looking at Kerrie's picture and at mom, I realized they both had black, right, eyes...and then I remembered when I got hit in the head with a baseball bat, my right eye was black as well.  Mom and I got quite a chuckle about it!!!!  I think coincidentally wearing the same clothes or jewelry would be less painful!

Mom is having a good day...

Mom playing our first chord organ

Sunday 12/1

Mom seemed to be a little better this morning; however,quite confused.  She didn't eat much during the day; however, tonight she had a whole bowl of egg lemon soup and a biscuit. I think I might make a peanut butter milkshake later on and see if she'll partake....that is one of her favorites.

We did get more Christmas decoration boxes out of the garage and Mike and I put the lights on the tree. Mom worked on a little tree that we'll put on our front porch table but she tired quickly.  It might take a week or two to get everything decorated as she wants it and that's okay...whatever makes her happy.  Dad and I will go through more boxes tomorrow to find the indoor knick-knacks and nativity scenes to put in the living room.

She has no appointments until Friday when she sees her oncologist.  Not looking forward to that as I said before...but at least we'll have more answers.

Mom and Dad on the balcony of our
Palm Springs timeshare.

Saturday

Mom was really tired today so we didn't get a chance to decorate.  We're hoping tomorrow she'll be better.  You can tell by looking at her she's losing more weight even though we try to get her to eat more.  She did eat quite well at Thanksgiving but then it's days before she eats that much again.  I'm going to make her favorite soup tomorrow (Greek Lemon) and see if that helps. 

Mike and I went to Mass tonight, celebrating the first day of Advent.  Although I love this season, it's bittersweet because I know it's mom's last...it breaks my heart...not just for me but especially for dad.  He tries to remain strong but you can see the pain in his eyes.  All we can do is turn everything over to God and trust in Him.

We took mom and dad up to Modesto to visit family.
Here they are with my Aunt Millie and Cousins Iley and Anne.